Ask The Wedding Planner

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If one is invited to both the wedding shower and to the wedding, is a gift for each occasion expected? If one does not know the bride at all and barely knows the groom but does know the mother of the groom somewhat, should 2 gifts be given if one plans to attend both occasions out of respect for the mother?

Lois

Answer:

Dear Lois, If you are attending both the shower and wedding, a gift should be given for both. If you choose not to attend the shower, an option is to send a gift instead or just include it with the wedding gift.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

Hi,

My fiance' and I are already established because we have our own homes. How do we ask for gift cards and money as opposed to traditional wedding gifts?

Valeria

Answer:

Dear Valeria,

The best way to handle this is to have parents, friends and the bridal party spread the word. Avoid adding anything in your wedding invitations about this, however.

Even though you aren't registered and the word gets out that you would prefer money instead of gifts, be prepared that you may still receive gifts from some guests.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

I was not able to attend a distant cousins wedding that I haven't seen in 20 years, but wanted to buy a gift anyway. I did in fact purchase a nice $100 picture frame, however, I never sent it due to one thing or another (procrastination). Can I or should I still send it anyway?

Thank you so much, Chris

Answer:

Dear Chris,

Traditionally wedding etiquette says that you have one year from the wedding day to send a wedding gift to someone. Even if it has been more than one year, send it anyway.

This is obviously something that is on your mind, so go ahead and send the gift. Include a card appologizing for the delay, and let them know that you were thinking about them and wanted them to have the gift.

They will appreciate the thought and the fact that you were thinking about them.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

My son is getting married. He has had an outstanding, unpaid loan from me for 6 years, on which he has not made any repayment. As a wedding gift, can I tell him that his debt to me is clear (it is $6,000) in lieu of sending him additional monies as the gift?

Dawn

Answer:

Dear Dawn,

This may be a good move from a parenting perspective. If it has been six years chances are he wasn't going to ever repay the loan.

Wiping out the loan will not only avoid future conflicts with your son about paying back the money, it will hopefully also teach him about paying off his debts. It's never too late to teach him this valuable life skill.

We would recommend, however, that you give him a small wedding gift in addition to this. Maybe something sentimental that doesn't have to cost a lot. In your card you can mention that part of his gift is the payoff of the loan he owes you.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

What are brides and grooms supposed to write in thank you notes when someone has attended the wedding and did not give a gift? I know you are supposed to say thank you for attending but what else? It's been 4 months since our wedding and I need to get done writing just the "No gift givers" who came to our wedding. But I'm stumped as to how to politely say thank you for coming. Please help!

Sheree

Answer:

Dear Sheree,

There are a few different reasons why people don't give gifts at weddings. Sometimes they have fallen on hard times and can't afford a gift, perhaps they forgot to bring one to the wedding, or maybe they are just really cheap and rude.

Unfortunately gifts can not be expected from guests even though showing up at a wedding without anything is simply not acceptable. If it is a matter of not having the money they may be very embarrassed about the situation and not know how to approach you about it.

Knowing that they have the money and still not receiving a gift is an entirely different situation and not acceptable.

The best approach in this situation to keep it simple and sincere. The most important thing is that they were there to share your special day with you. Something like this would work:

"Thank you for sharing our special day with us. Your attendance helped make it a day we will remember for the rest of our lives."

It may be difficult to hold back and be polite, but try not to make the situation worse.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

My aunt is doing so much for my wedding, I need some suggestions on what my fiance and I could give her as a thank you gift that is very meaningful.

Sara

Answer:

Dear Sara,

It sounds like you are very lucky to have such a caring aunt to help you plan your wedding. Here are a few ideas for a gift for her:

• A nice album with photos of the two of you as you grew up along with photos from the planning of the wedding and the wedding day itself. You could give her a card or something small on the day of the wedding if you wanted to letting her know that a special gift will be on it's way soon.
• Engraved jewelry like a watch or a charm is always nice.
• A keepsake such as a poem engraved on a crystal plaque or an inscribed keepsake box.
• Other ideas include a day at the spa, a gift certificate to her favorite restaurant or a night at her favorite hotel or bed and breakfast.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

If you attend a wedding at 6:00 in the evening or later, is it considered a formal event?

My nephew is marrying a “well-to-do” girl and their wedding is at 6:30 on a Saturday evening, with a reception to follow. My sister suggested to the bride that she was going to wear a formal pantsuit and the girl had a duck and told her she had to wear a formal. I tried to explain to my sister that I thought this was a formal event.

Please advise.

Debbie

Answer:

Dear Debbie,

Traditionally an evening wedding means that it is a formal event, although that doesn't always hold true today. Modern etiquette rules say that it probably should be noted on the invitation if formal attire is expected.

However, that doesn't mean it is always stated on the invitation, and it is usually best to talk to the bride, groom, or someone close to the situation.

From the bride's reaction it seems that the event is indeed formal, and formal attire should be worn.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

What is the rule of thumb for giving money as a wedding gift?

Donna

Answer:

Dear Donna,

The quick answer is to give what you can afford and yes it is very acceptable to give money as a wedding gift.

Now, the more detailed answer. There are some factors that can influence the amount you should give.

For example, if the person getting married is a sibling, child or other very close friend or family member you may want to give a little more.

Also, where you live matters as well. If you live near a large city like New York, a larger gift is usually expected.

Don't feel that you have to give $250 if you simply can't afford it.

Now, that being said, $100 is probably the average amount given. Use the guidelines above to figure out how much you should give while working within your budget.

Check out our Wedding Gift Etiquette page for answers to more questions.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

I am getting married next month , I have everything ready except for how I want the reception to look. I have a "Diamonds and Pearls" wedding theme. Any suggestions in decorations? I am thinking of ordering some diamond crystal confetti to spread on the table and also strings of pearl. What else can I do?

Coleene

Answer:

Dear Coleene,

A diamond and pearl wedding theme is a great idea. We liked your question so much it inspired us to create a new page. You can find ideas on our new Pearl Wedding Theme page.

We would love to see photos of the finished product!

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

If the wedding is at an all inclusive resort where those invited must pay the costs for the week for their stay plus transportation (approx $2500.00), what is the etiquette regarding a wedding gift?

Simone

Answer:

Dear Simone,

Many times couples will tell their guests that the only gift they want is for their guests to attend their wedding, especially since their guests are spending a lot of money to attend.

My first question back to you is what is your relationship with the bride and groom? Second question is what can you afford?

If you are very close to the couple (brother, sister, etc.) you may want to consider giving a gift, however it does not have to be a really expensive gift.

If you are stretching your budget just to attend the wedding, then the couple should understand that your attendance at their wedding is your gift to them.

At the very least give the couple a thoughtful card.

Enjoy your trip and the wedding!

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

Help! I have less than 2 months to come up with a 60's hippy style wedding for my daughter. She wants to wear a go go dress and boots to wedding. I need decorating ideas, flowers, cake ideas. This is not my best wedding wish for her but want to make the best out of her desire.

Thanks, Cindy

Answer:

Dear Cindy,

This is a very unique idea for a wedding theme, and you are doing the right thing by honoring your daughter's wishes.

You don't have much time, so we will cut to the good stuff. Think "Flower Power" for the theme.

Brightly colored gerber daisies are perfect for a 60's-themed wedding. Use them in the bouquets, centerpieces, in your daughter's hair, and anywhere else that you think they would look good.

Polka dots also scream the 60's. Find napkins and tablecloths with polka dots. Lava lamps are also a nice touch for centerpieces or decorations.

Beads were also big in the 60's. Hang them in the doorways and use them in the vases for your centerpieces.

Don't forget the peace sign. Put one on top of the wedding cake, and decorate the rest of the cake with daisies.

For entertainment, find a DJ that specializes in 60's music. Make sure they have 60's related props to give out too like sunglasses and other fun items.

If you want to get really into the theme, hire an Elvis impersonator to appear at the reception.

For more information about daisy-themed weddings, visit our Daisy Theme Wedding Idea guide.

Good Luck!

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

My B/F daughter is getting married in Aug,he is paying for most of the wedding along with his X. Should he also give his daughter a wedding gift? Also what should i do for a gift?

Thank You Donna

Answer:

Dear Donna,

As your boyfriend is probably finding out, weddings are not cheap these days. Our opinion is that he should definitely give his daughter a gift, even if he is paying for most of the wedding.

Think sentimental. Giving her a touching, personal gift will be something she will keep with her and remember for the rest of her life. It doesn't have to be an expensive gift to be meaningful.

Some ideas for meaningful wedding gifts include a piece of jewelry from his mother or grandmother that he passes down to her on the wedding day. A simple idea could be to take a photo of both of them from her childhood and frame it with a poem.

There are also many options for keepsake and engraved gifts that are thoughtful. Personalized Wedding Gifts from PersonalizationMall.com would allow him to add a personalized touch to his gift.

Now, for your gift. Are they young and just starting out? If so, you can get them something they need off of their registry.

If they don't have a registry, what are their hobbies? Do they golf, drink wine, etc. If all else fails, give them a nice card with money.

For more information visit our wedding gift idea guide.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

I am having a fall wedding, and I am wondering what color combination I should choose. Can you give me a few ideas?

Thanks in advance,Becky from Mt. Laurel, NJ

Answer:

Dear Becky,

Fall is a wonderful time to have a wedding, and there are several beautiful color combinations to choose from. Think of the color of leaves in the fall for inspiration.

Try to stick with only two colors, three at the most.

Here are a few popular wedding color combinations for fall:

• Chocolate and light blue (such as Tiffany blue)
• Chocolate and deep red
• Chocolate and purple (eggplant)
• Burnt orange and gold
• Deep blue and silver

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

I want to include my eight year old daughter in my wedding by making her a junior bride. My question is where in the procession of the bridal party do I place her?

Thanks so much.
Jaime from Chicago, Il

Answer:
Dear Jaime,

What a great way to include your daughter in your big day. The appropriate place for her is right before the bridesmaids and maid/matron of honor. Let her know how important this role is because she will be the first one down the aisle representing the entire bridal party.

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

I am getting married in about 18 months, and I am considering hiring a wedding planner. Can you tell me the benefits of hiring a wedding planner?

Thanks,
Ann from Phoenix, AZ

Answer:
Dear Ann,

Wedding planners can bring a lot of value and sanity to an often crazy time. There are several very good reasons to hire a wedding planner.

First, think about why you need a wedding planner. Do you need help finding and choosing vendors? Or just someone to run the show on the day of your wedding? Do you need someone to play interference with you mother while you plan your wedding?

Also think about how much time you have to dedicate to planning your wedding. If you and your fiancé are busy professionals with little free time, a wedding planner will probably help you tremendously.

For more information about how a wedding planner can help, take a look at our list of 10 reasons to hire a wedding planner .

A wedding planner, however, might not be right for everyone.

If you are a control freak and have a hard time giving up that control, it may be difficult for you to work with a wedding planner. A wedding planner is supposed to do the work for you.

If you are doing the same work in parallel, you are wasting your time, the planner’s time and most importantly your money.

You must also consider your financial situation when thinking about hiring a wedding planner. If your time can be better spent on things like making more money, the investment in a wedding planner is worth it.

If you are paying for your own wedding and have to scrape by just to have flowers at your wedding, it may be a better idea to put the wedding planner's payment towards funding the basics of your wedding.

Don't go broke just to say you had a wedding planner!

To your wedding!
Danielle & Stephen

Ask The Wedding Planner is your chance to ask us a question about planning your wedding or anything wedding related. While we can not feature every question we receive on Ask The Wedding Planner, we try to publish as many as possible.

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Ask The Wedding Planner is for informational use only. All situations are different, and we recommend taking the advice on this page as it relates to your specific situation. As always, do a reality check before moving forward with any type of advice regardless of where it comes from.

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