Make Them Laugh With
A Funny Wedding Speech
A funny wedding speech idea adds humor to a sometimes all too
serious event - the wedding reception. There is nothing wrong with
sprinkling in a few jokes, quotes or one liners into your funny wedding
speech. Jokes can be a good ice breaker that helps loosen you and the
With that being said, here are a few rules to stick to:
- This is a wedding reception and not a comedy club. You can
go too far and try too hard to be funny.
- Avoid off color jokes that might offend the bride, groom or
those in attendance.
- Many times real life events are naturally funny when told
as part of your wedding speech.
- Only use one or two funny quotes in your wedding speech.
Any more than that may be overkill.
For more tips on giving a great funny wedding speech, visit our wedding speech guide
Funny Wedding Quotes
If you choose to use a funny quote, consider one of the following for
your funny wedding speech:
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
"When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's
a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to
a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music
and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
"If you never want to see a man again say, 'I love you, I want to marry
you, I want to have children'. They leave skid marks."
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested
in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."
"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't
think something's wrong with me."
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls
every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that
comes home late at night."
"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that
perhaps they're too old to do it."
“The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.”
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife
happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let
her have it.”
Lyndon B. Johnson
"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat
“Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the
opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for
ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.”
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth
shut and his checkbook open."