Make Them Laugh With
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With that being said, here are a few rules to stick to:
- This is a wedding reception and not a comedy club. You can go too far and try too hard to be funny.
- Avoid off color jokes that might offend the bride, groom or those in attendance.
- Many times real life events are naturally funny when told as part of your wedding speech.
- Only use one or two funny quotes in your wedding speech. Any more than that may be overkill.
For more tips on giving a great wedding speech, visit our wedding speech guide.
Funny Wedding Quotes
If you choose to use a funny quote, consider one of the following for your funny wedding speech:
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
Rodney Dangerfield
"When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."
Helen Rowland
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield
"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
Woody Allen
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
"If you never want to see a man again say, 'I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children'. They leave skid marks."
Rita Rudner
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
Rita Rudner
"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."
Milton Berle
"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me."
Elayne Boosler
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night."
Marie Corelli
"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."
Anne Bancroft
“The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.”
H.V. Prochnow
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.”
Lyndon B. Johnson
"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women."
Marion Smith
“Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.”
Elbert Hubbard
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open."
Groucho Marx
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